Imagine spending 500 dollars, standing in line, and after all the excitement and hype, you get home, open your next generation console and then, and then, and then….. NOTHING!!! Thanks to Microsoft’s mandatory day one update, unless you’re lucky, you may or may not be able to use your brand new Xbox One. Though it’s not being widely covered head on over to the Xbox One support forums and you’ll see many like your resident Sith Lord, who tried and tried to download the mandatory update only to have it freeze at 74%, 79%, or 83%.

If you’re one of the affected, you can attempt to call support if you want to, but right now, it’s a complete waste of time. I’m convinced they grabbed a few random people off the streets to man their support lines and forums. The scripted, uninformed, utter foolishness coming from the support reps is nothing short of jaw dropping. Personally, I’ve been told everything from try again in 2 hours to wait a few days, and my personal favorite: “You can sell your Day One Xbox One on eBay for more than you paid and then get another plus profit” though I have to admit the last comment was tempting.

Others on the official Xbox One “non” Support forums were asked to check and see if their batteries are in the controller properly and many have been told it’s likely their internet provider. Irony of ironies though is that people in the forums are from all over the globe like AUS, NZ, UK, and the US so Microsoft wants us to believe that EVERY internet provider is partially to blame.

So finally no thanks to the house that Bill Gates built, someone posted the Emergency Online Update (EOU) that MSFT posted than pulled a day before the Xbox One release and I was finally able to get my Day One Xbox to boot on Day Two. I would love to tell you that all is well now and I’m enjoying Forza 5, Dead Rising 3, and Killer Instinct, buuut NEGATORY!!! I also have the Xbox can’t play games problem, meaning that every time you launch a game whether it’s disc based (Forza, Dead Rising) or downloaded (Killer Instinct) you see the title image and then it crashes to the main screen. This is also a popular issue on the Official no-Support Forums. So after yet another day of no Xbox One there was nothing left to do, but return it back to my local Gamestop. They were so cool about the exchange that they let me keep my special Day One controller since they only had a “regular” Xbox One to exchange with. Then I got home re-exited, finally ready to enjoy my Xbox One and guess what? SAME DAMN ISSUES!!!! Instead of waiting a day this time, after an hour of failed updates I used the EOU again, got back to business, but games still don’t work!!!!

Now don’t get me wrong, the Xbox does work in some cases. The Kinect is an updated and great experience. All the entertainment apps like Netflix, Hulu, etc. work without issue. Internet Explorer works as well and the new snap feature and TV function works as well. In fact, in the case of the latter, I was able to hook my Xbox 360 up to the Xbox One and could play it flawlessly.

So the Xbox One does some things well and fast, but the ONE thing this Xbox is SUPPOSED to do…it doesn’t do at all: PLAY FREAKING VIDEO GAMES. Microsoft I don’t need a $500 Roku. If all I wanted to do was watch Netflix, Amazon Video, or Hulu I could keep my 360 which also plays games by the way, continue to use my iPhone, TV, Laptop, iPad, Blu-Ray player, etc. How about letting me do what I gave you all my money to do Microsoft?


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Darth Geekonius
Sith Lord and founding member and director of The Black Geeks. When not hunting Jedi and Rebel scum, I write, game, and get my bookworm on!

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